20 days to go. Let the 'head' games begin

Well i have been very slack with the old blog haven't i? Apologies but most days when i have had time to sit and write out a blog it would probably look something like this:

Im hungry. Im cranky. Im tired. The end.

Soooo feeling a bit brighter this morning i have decided to write a more positive blog - not completely positive, ill still keep it real people!
I am officially 20 days out WOOP WOOP! What started at around 120 days out seems to have quickened in pace the last few weeks and is now slowing to an excrutiating speed! 10 days left on my current diet and then i go onto my 10 day out plan which even though i know is going to be tough, at least i know it is only for 10days and then i get to eat a real meal, so its all good.
I have started to book in all my glamour needs for the big day which is so much fun! I have booked in my 3 tans, 3 days out from comp, my hair, and nails, and then the rest will be achieved by the beautiful kate. Just booking these things in makes it all very real and feels very close. I also pick up my bikini in 2 weeks which is very exciting.
So even though im getting excited and nervous now, I have been finding the last few weeks quite emotionally draining. Hubby has told me I have been handling it all very well and havent been cranky at all, however I don't feel my normal bubbly self and i find it exhausting just trying to carry on conversations with people. Its not because imm not interested in what they have to say, im just constantly in my own head reminding myself what time i need to eat, exercise and prep meals - it doesnt leave a lot of space for much else! lol! I sound like an airhead!
I have been dieting and training (pretty hardcore) for 13 weeks now, you would think i would be finding this last stage easy, but its quite the opposite. I think im just ready to have a 'normal' existance again. Dont get me wrong, i love this process but its a long haul and its nice to go out and sit and have a chai latte and a meal with my husband on the weekends. I havent been able to do this and sometimes it grates on my nerves. I also have not been able to have cheat meals on this entire plan or high carb days, so my diet has been pretty bland right from day one.
My cravings have been swinging out of control recently too - its just my body rebelling. In fact I have had to remove the brown sugar from our pantry because even it is starting to look too tempting! Thankgod for cinnamon, splenda and jols!
So my eating has been fine, training has been a little lack lustre. Im getting all my sessions in (all 4 hours a day!) but my lifting capacity has really gone down hill and my cardio sessions are getting slower and less intense. Im doing what i can do at the moment and thats what is important.
My weight is sitting at 56.5kgs and im not expecting much change on the scales until i start shifting water in 10 days time. Glenn and Corina said i should come in around 53kgs which should be just about spot on. Everything feels very tight at the moment (i mean my skin not my clothes - could u imagine!!) and even my legs have lost a lot of size and muscles are starting to poke through which i love.
Oh and i have to give a shout out to Sara 'pocket rocket' brown who left me a message on my facebook. i was so chuffed that someone so successful in this industry took the time to wish me well for my comp and sending out positive messages to me. It really made my day and i look forward to meeting her at the all females in....20 days time!
Ok so thats about it, hope this post didnt come off to negative, but im just trying to express my journey, the ups and downs, and trying not to sugar coat it. Wish me luck for the last haul of this process and...im off to do some cardio!
xxoo
(Remember everyone after party saturday 10th July at Richmond Studio. Time TBA. Hope to see u there!)