Heartbroken...

Well this is going to be very quick this post because i am only just holding my shit together... 2 days ago my husband and i made the agonizing decision to put down our beloved girl Maddison. For those of you that dont know, I am a more avid fan of animals than I am of most humans. I have always been an animal lover and 8 years ago i rescued maddy from the rspca. The following 8 years i treated this dog like a princess and she was spoilt beyond belief. She was my mate, i was hers.
The last few months have been very difficult as her behaviour started to become more erratic. She was getting older and should have been settling down a bit but she was always barking, agrressive towards aother dogs, not a fan of small children and generally stressed if not in her own little environment. She also suffered from hip displaysia in both hips, abyss's and a lump/tumor on her chest. So all in all a beautiful dog but riddled with difficulties. We had the option of keeping her locked in doors all day or drugging her up on medication to make her docile and passive - neither of which would have equalled quality of life in my book. Our wonderful vet stella (who has been with us through all the surgeries with our other dog Niko) agreed 100% that the best option was to let her go...
I have cried straight for 2 days, wracked with guilt and feeling terribly lonely...
We still have our beautiful Niko to hold and cuddle, and for that im grateful, but life just doesnt seem the same now.
Yesterday, i nearly threw in my comp prep. It just didnt seem important anymore. I just wanted to curl into a ball and stay there in my grief. i didnt cheat on my food plan yesterday - but i just didnt eat, which is kind of just as bad. Today, after A LOT of supportive pep talks from many of you out there, i am determined to see this comp through... i will dedicate it to mouse.
So with waves of sadness engulfing me every couple of minutes, i am pushing through, and although a bit numb i know i have to do this and finish it off.